top of page
Receiving Love


The Myth of “Love Yourself First”:Do You Have to Love Yourself Before You Love Someone?
You don’t have to finish healing before you’re allowed to love and be loved. Having a partner can help you raise your love ceiling. “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” It’s one of those lines that gets repeated. But is it true? People hear it and think, So… I’m not ready, then. I should wait until I’ve fixed myself before I let anyone in. Please don’t do that. Treated as a prerequisite, it has talked a lot of people out of love they were good and rea

Terri Crosby
Sep 174 min read

EXPLORE WISDOM
These are my latest insights — knowledge and experience, curated into short, easy-to-read pieces. Where will you start?"
Frequently asked questions
General
No, I'm a relationship mentor and coach, not a therapist. I'm not here to diagnose ortreat. I'm here to walk alongside you, help you understand what's happening betweenyou and the people you love, and heal the patterns that keep getting in the way. For many people, this work sits comfortably beside therapy. For others, it's exactly what they were looking for and couldn't quite describe.
This is the heart of my work. Many of us understand our patterns completely and stillfind ourselves reacting the same way. Understanding lives in the mind. The patterns that run us live in the body and the nervous system. My work is to help you heal those deeper places, so the patterns that no longer serve you loosen their grip.
Because this work gets underneath the talking. You can know everything about why youbrace, why you shut down, or why you say the thing you always say - and still do it.Lasting change happens somewhere deeper than thinking. Lasting change lives in what you feel, and in a body that slowly learns it's safe to respond differently. That's the place we go, together.
If you picture your true self as the feisty or opinionated one who over-expresses, gives up or dismisses quickly, or has a knee-jerk reaction, the idea of being who you really are seems risky at best. But those are examples of aspects of you that are reactive. They are ego-based. They are not the true self.So the answer to this question is no. Usually the opposite happens. Conflict tends to come from our reactive parts, not from wise ones. Unlike the reactive layer, your true self has plenty of room for whatever comes your way. Your true self is wise. Coming from your inner wisdom, you can receive hard news and still pause, breathe, and stay reasonably centered. Your true-self perspective is inclusive, wide, and deep. It has space.Whatever condition you're in, you attract what matches that state. Energetically, like attracts like. If you're upset, you bring to you circumstances that match that energy. If you're feeling calm, grateful and abundant, experiences that match that energy come your way. Your environment reflects you, often faster than you expect. So being your true self doesn't just spare you conflict. It shifts what comes toward you in a positive way.Bringing your true self to life is a gift to everyone. It sends you, and everyone you're connected with, into an upward spiral. Being your true self changes everything.
bottom of page
